David Duchovny's sex act slip!

  John Wayne gives drunken speech

  Elvis insists he's not "strung out!"

  Mike Tyson's words of wisdom

 

Steve Ballmer goes nuts!


 

Ross Perot's sex secret!


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The World Rants About Rants!
We would like to thank all of our devoted users for the overwhelmingly positive feedback we've received these past few months. After launching in the fall of 2002, we were buried with thousands of emails containing support and good cheer. In fact, not only does the audience love our humble humor site, but the press seems to enjoy it as well. (Which is impressive since these mainstream media rags are in the business of sucking-up to celebrities and their pushy PR agents. Talk about biting the hand that feeds!) On another note, former MTV VJ Adam Curry gave us a big thumbs up on his popular web log and The New York Times gave us a rave review. (Of course we've been told this praise came from shamed reporter Jayson Blair. So maybe like the idiots at The Times, we've been bamboozled by a liar!)

In addition to many awards and "site of the day" recognition, CelebrityRants.com has become one of the Internet's fastest growing new humor sites. According to Alexa, the respected web traffic ranking authority, CelebrityRants.com has grown at a rate of 130% in just six weeks.

But alas, for every hundred positive emails we get, there's at least one negative crank sent in by a nutcase. Clearly, the brand of humor found at CelebrityRants.com isn't for everyone. Below are actual reactions from visitors who were motivated to rant about the rants. Some good, some bad. If you'd like to leave a comment, please write to us. If your message is crabby, you can be sure it will be posted here for all to enjoy!  So please, rant your bleeping hearts out! ---The Editors

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"I think your Diana Ross rant is the funniest thing I've ever seen! I damn near pissed myself! Keep up the great work!"
---Randy Q.

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"Just thought I'd write and say your website is very funny - and also let you know I've got a 2 minute mp3 recording of Courtney Love ranting like a maniac on two journalist's answering machine, threatening things like "I will haunt you two f***king c*nts for the rest of your lives!" I got it off Napster about 2 years ago. It's funny as well as scary. Just thought I'd let you know, 'coz it definitely qualifies as a celebrity rant!"
---Ana C.

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"I howled at the moon. This site is very funny! Well worth the two dollar entrance fee."
---JoJo B.

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"Hey was sup? I think your website is fuckin hilarious. People who write and bitch about your website are just dumbass pussies! Your website is just for fun, and that's what it is, FUN!!!! ( I bet even the fucking celebrities check out your site just to see themselves on it! LOL)"
---Alisha S.

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"I love your site and will tell all my friends about it!"
---Kent S.

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"You people obviously have nothing better to do with your lives all you can do is pick on Michael Jackson who is harmless. Michael in no way has done anything to children so you can shut up with your stupid story and to the crappy animation..."
---Selina F.

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"Leave Michael Jackson Alone! I'm extremely appalled by the disgusting display on your website!
---Amanda P.

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I'm very glad to hear that you've been finding success with your site! I know I'm not alone in saying that as entertaining as it is, it is also a valuable resource for opinion columnists such as myself. All the best of luck in the future.
---Evan M.

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"Greetings, first: love your site! second: notice you have a clip of nimoy "woofing" the old ike & tina standard of proud mary. npr (canada) did a piece about terrible beatles tunes last week. they played a cut from the "sgt pepper's lonely hearts club band" tribute album - maxwell's silver hammer, through the mouth of steve martin. its worth a look - about the worst i've ever heard - not worthy of vinyl. hope to see it on soon. there's also a piece by mike tyson that was done by a television sports guy. mike tells him to f*** off. don't recall where to find it, tho. ps: love the bobby knight clip!"
---Jesse X.

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"oh, man! what a great site! It's abso-god damn lootly book-freakin marked!
---Ron B.

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"Ignorance is not a virtue, so please stop writing and behaving as though it were. Education is the answer, and when someone is so information-starved as you are, it is like giving an Ethiopian Child a White Castle Hamburger franchise. Judy Garland was NOT the things you purport her to be. As far as being a "pill-popping nutcase," I am QUITE certain that anyone else in her shoes would have done something similar. You people are crazy."
---Eric H.

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"Judy's husband Sid Luft was a bum. He stole thousands of dollars from her. Judy did these recordings in private with a Senshauer reel to reel tape recorder (model # S 848). And they were never for public consumption or scrutiny, especially from someone whose knowledge of Miss Garland is about as extensive as the life-span of a Handi-Wipe."
---Eric H.

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"Fresh and minty! 3 thumbs up! Jeezus -- I am impressed with this site."
--- Mike R., Los Angeles

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"I'm not here about a celebrity ranting...this time it's gonna be ME whose ranting at YOU. I saw an ad for your site, which was boasting that you had a tape of Kurt Cobain getting angry on the phone. First of all, everybody is entitled to get mad. Second of all, everybody is entitled to get mad WITHOUT somebody spying on them, and recording their every word and action. Being a celebrity is another word for living a tough and stressful life. If you think that every time they get a little stressed that you need to make a big deal of it, trying to make them look like an asshole, then YOU'RE the asshole. Fuck you, and have a bad day."
---Anonymous

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"Celebs, politicians, rockers --- all the same bag of horse dukie. Piss an' moan about being in the public ey , "oohh oohh, my privacy is being VIOLATED" (no mind ass licks...you're exactly where you wanted to be, you think we're as stupid as you?). So, Celebrity Rants, where does a regular guy get a chance to express editorial commentary on the hyperbole of this crowd? I love your web site!"
---Robert R.

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"...you got to put down female celebrities for being "old" (madonna, zsa zsa) or "fat" (roseanne)... then you get to Kurt Cobain and you go out of your way to blame his bad behavior on his wife "we've been told his domineering wife...yaddda yah..." hey, you were told his wife put a hit on him, too, right? Maybe you should add that, too. At first I thought your tapes were amusing but then I realize you just run-of-the-mill misogynists. It would be a kind of a cute site if it weren't so hateful..."
---Erika M., Seattle

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"...CelebrityRants.com is the funniest fucking site I've seen in years. Everyone in the office has been playing them and we can't stop laughing....we especially love the haggard Madonna animation. THIS SITE IS BRILLIANT! Very well done! WE LOVE THIS WEB SITE!"
--- Susan "Butch" J., San Francisco

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"Is that the best you can do for Tommy Lasorda??? My personal favorite is of Gene Simmons (KISS) being interviewed backstage at a Seattle concert. He grabbed the tape recorder and yelled in a falseto, 'This is Stevie Nicks, and I think that Gene Simmons is such a sexy guy I love to have have his tongue between my throbbing piss flaps!' (The manager grabbed the tape deck and rewound it so that 'piss flaps' was removed; the result was "between my throbbing 'Pfff---'followed by 'You're not gonna put that on the air, are ya?' Ah, the good old days of radio! Keep up the great work. THIS SITE IS AWESOME!"
---Lee M.

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"Before listening to Britney Spears for the 18th time, I paused to forward your site to everyone in my address book. Waaaaaaaaay too funny!"
---Mary T., Los Angeles

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"IT IS VERY UNFORTUNATE THAT MR. WHITE IS SUFFERING FROM KIDNEY FAILURE. SO I"M WILLING TO GIVE MR. WHITE ONE OF MY KIDNEYS."
---J.S.

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"I am trying to put together a Power Point presentation to our high school coaches on sports psychology and would like to include Bobby Knight's rant as an example of negative coaching. Is there any way that I can download or transfer his rant into my presentation?
--- L. Donovan

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"THIS IS ABSOLUTELY TACKY, SICK AND TOTALLY UNCALLED FOR! ELVIS SHOULD NOT BE PORTRAYED IN THIS UNGODLY WAY AND WHOEVER IS RESPONSIBLE SHOULD HAVE THEIR TONGUE REMOVED. THIS SITE SHOULD BE REMOVED AS IT IS A DISGRACE TO ELVIS AND HIS TRULY WONDERFUL LEGACY. HOW DARE SOMETHING LIKE THIS BE ON THIS SICK WEBSITE!"
---B. Humphries, A True Elvis Fan

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"I know it is stated on your site, that this is for entertainment purposes only, but I was not entertained. Let me set some facts for you, first of all, Elvis was not intoxicated that night, if there was any sign of this, how could the man put on a show like he did? Check out your facts, and correct your errors, and then you may be entertaining someone, but to let you know it won't be me, or any other Elvis fans that I know of, as this will be my last visit to your site. Oh, I have heard this 'Ranting' before, I also have it on tape, so you see, your not the first, and you won't be the last to be making this available. I would think you people would be able to find other things of entertainment, rather than insulting a man who has done nothing to harm anyone, and has helped more than you will ever meet."
---Elisa

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"Sorry to sound rude...but those 'rants' you have on your site are complete crap. As a fan of Elvis and Brittany, it's an insult."
---Olivia B., A Fan Of Elvis

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"BUST A GUT FUNNY. Wow! This site is one of my favorites. We've been playing the John Wayne and Casey Kasem rants in the office all morning. The two FAT ELVIS recordings are PRICELESS! Again, we love this site, very very funny material!!"
---Stephen G.

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"Excellent site!"
---Damien M.

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"I'm just writing to say that your 'rants' web site is god damn funny. Very well done and the best collection of bloopers and stuff I've seen anywhere on the web."
---Jenny L., Vermont

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"Great stuff. Its excellent. You guys heard the Yngwie Malmsteen rant? I downloaded an MP3 someone recorded on a flight to Tokyo that involves the 80's metal/rock guitarist Yngwie Malmsteen. Apparently the stewerdess(s) heard Malmsteen (who was sitting in very expensive first class) insulting gays and poured a glass of water on him to express their distaste. Malmsteen throws a fit and starts cursing out the stews and eventually tries to explain what happened to the captain or something. In classic 80s style, Malmsteen starts spewing all kinds of concert lyric b.s. like it was some kind of WWF bout. "feel the fury" and all this stuff. I would kill to see some video for this one."
---Cary G.

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CelebrityRants.com is a work of parody and intended for entertainment purposes. This site is optimized for Windows XP and Microsoft Internet Explorer 4.0 or higher. Currently we do not support AOL or the Macintosh. © 2003 CelebrityRants, Inc. Celebrity Rants and the Celebrity Rants logo are trademarks of CelebrityRants, Inc. Unauthorized reproduction is strictly prohibited. No celebrity was harmed in the making of this site.

10.01.03 v6.0